Part 1 Emotional Unavailability

Being emotionally unavailable can be rooted in a persons childhood. As a kid, they learned to quiet their emotions and unattach themselves from other people. The person who is hot then cold and inconsistent usually thrives on control and equates feeling out of control with desire. This desire can manifest in promiscuity and or compulsive sexuality.

Someone who is emotionally unavailable has a hard time receiving love and other deep emotions from others. They shrink away from vulnerable moments that would otherwise create a real connection. These are all ways emotionally unavailability looks like and shows up for many people in the dating phase and relationships.

Most times attachment styles have a role to play with this. For individuals with dismissive avoidant attachment, when closeness is experienced they may pull away or shut down, creating more emotional distance from stored internal fears. Or for individuals with fearful avoidant attachment they usually express a desire or need to be close but their actions are contradictory because of the intense fear of being hurt or feeling powerless.

The unconscious idea here is that if you can block feelings, you can also block out your pain.

Can you resonate with this? Have you been in a dynamic like this before? Or maybe you’re emotionally unavailable?