If you’ve ever been in an unavailable relationship, you’re most likely familiar with the individual blowing hot and cold.
It usually goes really well in the initial stages until suddenly, it can manifest in the following behaviours:
- you used to hear from them all the time, now there are increasing gaps
- They’re not as eager and in pursuit as they were before
- They seem less attentive
- Unreliable when you need them
- Suddenly you’re hearing excuses about how busy they are
- They send mixed messages
- You’re the one doing the chasing now
- They get defensive when you remind them of things they’ve promised you
- You feel like a pest when you get in touch
Because relationship uncertainty makes human beings yearn for stability. Our automatic response is to chase when the “other” pulls away.
We invariably start blaming ourselves for some error on our part that caused them to turn the temperature down. It feels like tightness in the chest, the mind goes into cynical thoughts “why am I being taken for granted” “why am I not appreciated”. There is a clear message: your needs have gone unmet. The moment you allow someone to be inconsistent, you are allowing your expectations to be managed down.
Above all, people who are emotionally unavailable deeply crave connection but allow their fear of abandonment to run their behaviours, often experiencing deep shame with every attempt to be in a relationship.
If you are involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable, it is the most evolutionary and reverent thing to do when choosing to love and sacrifice all of yourself for the sake of healing someone else; but it is also self sabotaging. Its best you love from a distance cutting off the benefits of your love allowing yourself to heal and your partner to deal with their traumas. Love is worth reciprocating and its not going to happen with an person who is emotionally unavailable.
Lesson Learned In Order To Teach..... Thoughts Below